What we are about:
Growing, with Love... Support... Kindness...
But mostly, we are about the "why?"
Because change, lasting change, requires that we understand our underlying motivations. Until we recognize why we have not been able to succeed in the past, or why we have the goals that we do, lasting change will continue to elude us.
I’ve spent most of this last weekend offline, which has felt odd… but also rather nice. Sometimes it’s a little too easy to get lost down the virtual rabbit-hole.
Of course, I mostly replace the virtual rabbit-hole with my own inspirational rabbit-hole. See, my brain has been busy devising new ideas, percolating old ones, and playing with a handful of additional projects (that I probably shouldn’t be trying to take on).
Of course, I’ve also been attempting to process the incredible learning that’s been going on in Sovereignty Kindergarten.
Oh, and I’m also preparing for Lift Off! with Pam Slim and Charlie Gilkey.
You could say I’ve been a little busy.
Part of the being horribly busy has been an attempt to avoid dealing with scary thoughts.
You know, money thoughts.
See, when I first became aware of both Sovereignty Kindergarten and Lift Off, my first thought was, “I need this!”
My second thought was, “there is no way I can afford this.” /sad face
The more I thought about it though, the more that first thought kept coming up. Because these are both things that I need; for me, and for my business.
The time was right, and I realized that if I let the money stuff scare me from taking the steps I need to take, I’ll never be able to move forward.
Also, I’m a big believer in the importance of growing your skill set and continuing your education. In fact, in a recent post on Generosity Driven, I pretty much said it’s the most important investment you can make in your business.
And I’d hate to make a hypocrite of myself.
I screwed up my courage, and I approached those putting on the events. I asked if we might find a different way to make this work; a way that would work around my current low-fund situation, but would also respect each of our respective needs (my need to attend without freaking out over money, their need to be paid).
Crazy as it sounds, they actually said yes. We worked something out, and now we all get to be friends and move forward together.
Partially because that’s sort of just what it does.
But also because, as life tends to do, there have been some unexpected bumps in the road.
*For instance, last week we discovered the back passenger tire had decided to call it quits. Downside; we had not budgeted for a new tire. Upside; at least it quit now, and not half-way to Portland!
So as my money monsters have been screeching and railing and practically hanging from the rafters in outrage, I’ve been getting creative.
Actually, I’d had this idea some time ago. But my They’re All Gonna Laugh At You monsters spoke up and I decided to maybe not go through with it.
And then the lovely Lean, from String Revolution, did an amazing thing; she created a secret page to sell her beautiful sewn creations in order to raise the funds to attend Havi’s free Shiva Nata class. A class that I had passed up on attending because I didn’t think I could make it happen.
And here was this incredible woman from Ireland, who managed to find a way to attend.
Which led me to a mad frenzy of inspirational creativity, and the decision to take a chance and start my fun-brewing project.
I’m calling this my Inspirational Education Fund project, and the very first bit of inspired creativity took place over the weekend.
I’ve created a handful of sovereignty crowns, for those who need a bit of reminding as they go through their daily life.
Plus, these crowns are double-duty crowns, designed to follow you as you go deep undercover; they have a lovely little clasp so that you can disguise them as a necklace!
Each crown has been carefully crafted with a selection of natural materials to bring out the energies of Sovereignty that you need most in your life.
I currently only have a handful up for sale, but I will be adding more. Also, if you need something specific, and don’t see a crown that will quite work, please feel free to let me know, and we’ll see if we can’t put something together for you 
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So as I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been a little obsessed with my new thing lately.
Ok, so I’ve been a lot obsessed.
Which doesn’t surprise me in the least. I tend to get very excited by new projects, and of course, this wasn’t just any old new project.
This is my new thing, in living color; this is what I”m supposed to be doing, what I want/need/love to be doing!
What I wasn’t expecting was the incredible crash I experienced the moment immediately after announcing my new thing to the world.
After all the time and energy and passion I put into preparing for the announcement, the last thing I expected was this sudden lack of energy and motivation to do… anything!
Which made perfect sense, as soon as I had that thought… because, in a way, I am a new mom.
I’ve nurtured this tiny, sweet thing, protected and loved it, fed it and cared for it. And now it’s out there, vulnerable, no longer entirely my own.
I’m exhausted, I’m scared, and I no longer have this singular goal to focus on and distract me.
At first, I wondered what the hell was wrong with me. Why wasn’t I excited? I should be so happy, thrilled that my thing was blossoming so beautifully.
I mean, yeah, I was kinda happy. But mostly I just felt… empty.
This is part of the cycle of creation… it’s the circle of life, baby! (cue cheesy Disney music… oh, sorry… nevermind that part)
Night follows day, just as winter follows the harvest. Not because there’s something wrong with the sun, or because the earth has nothing decent left to create.
These are times of rest, of recuperation. And just as nature needs to slow down and replenish it’s resources, so do we.
I rail at myself for being so tired every day around 2pm. I wonder why I seem to lose the ability to care about anything every few weeks.
I used to dream of discovering the regimen of food and exercise that would allow me to go through every day full of energy.
Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure the only thing that would ever allow me to achieve that dream, is a regimen of copious drug use. Which is kind of a problem, since I don’t even like taking aspirin…
Fortunately, I’ve realized just how ridiculous that dream is.
There’s nothing wrong with this, and trying to change the system would just screw everything up.
In the morning, we wake up and our energy levels begin to rise. At some point during the day we peak, and then our energy starts to wane.
Some people cycle once per day; their energy rises slowly, peaks, then drains slowly until they feel tired and decide to go to bed.
I tend to cycle twice per day; my energy rises quickly, peaks around noon, then crashes, leaving me desperate for a nap around 2pm. Around 4 or 5 in the evening, my energy starts to rise again, peaks sometime between 10 and midnight, then crashes again around 1 or 2 in the morning.
Along with this daily cycle, I have a general monthly cycle. For about 3 weeks my energy will rise; during this time I’m highly motivated. I love life and have plenty of energy to put towards accomplishing my goals.
Then, for about 3 days, I’m slightly manic. If I’m not careful, I can eat about a month’s worth of food in these few days. I can also accomplish an insane amount of work… but only if I can manage to keep myself focused.
By the end of my “manic” stage, I’m just about worn out. I’m having a hard time liking myself, and start to wonder what the hell is wrong with me. This is when the crash hits.
For about a week, to a week and a half, I go into what I call my “teen angst” mode; I hate my life, I have zero energy, and all I want to do is curl up in bed with the covers over my head.
It’s very much not fun.
Eventually, my energy level starts to climb, and the funk slowly lifts. By the end of my week and a half, I’m beginning to feel marginally human again. I’m able to remember why I love life so much, and getting out of bed becomes much more appealing, less like the worst idea ever.
Right now, I’m mid-way through the “teen-angst” phase. Which definitely does not help with the postpartum thing-announcing blues.
What does help is recognizing that this is all part of my cycle.
This is normal, and while I may not love being in it right now, at least I know it will pass.
For years I struggled against the “down” phases of my cycle. Every time I found myself tired, completely lacking in motivation, apathetic even, I would wonder what was wrong with me?
I would experiment with different diets, try to impose a rigid sleeping schedule, up the amount of exercise I was getting, lower the amount of exercise I was getting.
Anything to try to “normalize” my energy levels and avoid those down phases.
And seeing the cyclical nature of my patterns helped me relate them to the cycles of the natural world.
Which helped me realize that my energy cycles, including the down phases, were perfectly natural.
There is nothing wrong with me. I am not a bad person because I spend one out of every five weeks nearly incapable of getting out of bed!!!
But that’s what this is for, along with my Book of Me, and the notes I’ve begun to write in my calendar.
To remind me when I forget to remember.
This is all just part of my process, my attempt at working on my stuff. If any of my stuff stepped on the toes of your stuff, I apologize.
It’s not meant to be a “this is what you should do” sort of thing, it’s more of a sharing, in case something I’ve said helps kind of thing.
Also, if you’re interested in learning a bit more about your cycles, I definitely recommend Charlie Gilkey’s heatmap. It’s free, and it can really help you figure out where your natural rhythms lie.
One bit of advice (if you want it); the heatmap is designed to track daily cycles, but my daily cycles didn’t mess with me nearly as much as the longer term ones. So I just altered the map to track a month’s worth of days, rather than a day’s worth of hours.
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